When The End Of Life Is Close And There Is Nothing More To Do - Just Love

And with that comes the news I always knew would grace our ears, but I am not ready to say goodbye yet. I know that God is giving me all the time in the world to get used to the idea, but the more time he gives me, the harder it gets. Every time I speak with him, he knows I’m in pain and that this will be hard. Yet, he has sympathy for me because he knows I’m losing the most important person in my life. That person is my mum. As the specialists utter those words, I can’t help but think that now “this is it”, there isn’t much more time left. The doctor tried, but she couldn’t do anything. So that was the last glimmer of hope – even if it would have been a few more months with mum. What am I supposed to do now? My whole life, I’ve been fighting for everything I had control over. I don’t stop. But yet, now, I have to — time has run out to turn things around. I have to let go to allow the inevitable to take place when the time comes. The doctor warns us that it will start to get worse in due time. I ask myself, how can I gather the strength to sit back and watch this happen to mum? All I want to do is make it all the better for her. But I can’t do anything more. Looking at her arms, I see them bruised and black. I know this is the disease showing up on her skin now. These are the signs and symptoms of what’s to come. I want her to stay, to be by our side so we can talk, I can hug her and walk in the sun with her – I don’t want her to suffer anymore. I miss the smiles she used to have on her face every single day.I miss the laughter and silliness.I miss the times she would be happiest with her friends.I miss seeing her walk in the morning – and greeting her with a hug like we haven’t seen each other for a long time (even though it was only yesterday) I miss everything taken away in a matter of 24 hours from pancreatic cancer. Today, she warned me to always insist on further tests when you feel something isn’t quite right. She regrets that perhaps if she pushed the doctor and did something sooner- there would have been a chance for life on earth, just a bit longer. I regret this too – and none of us could have preempted the inevitable. But, unfortunately, the death of a parent isn’t something in the back of our minds. The years pass, and we seem to forget with age comes fragility & susceptibility to age-related diseases. I had forgotten that my mum is getting much older – how fast time does pass. The years pass, and we seem to forget with age comes fragility & susceptibility to diseases. I had forgotten that my mum is getting much older — how fast time does pass. We can never predict what’s written in the book of life. Some of us will be lucky, and some won’t. As I write this, regret fills my heart. I wish I could have done more to stop this from happening. Now I can’t do anything at all. Please forgive me, mum, I didn’t know. If I can help anyone, then I say this to all who read my story. If you feel that something isn’t right with you or your family members, insist on further tests, get second opinions. Push to determine the cause of that discomfort. I pray it’s nothing, but maybe it could be that very thing that could save your life. The message written in someone’s pain can very well get you to take action on something that’s been bothering you. That is what I hope to convey with this. Only you know your body better than anyone – please listen to the messages it whispers to you daily.

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