By We are now living in a world where anything can change in the blink of an eye. The pandemic keeps changing form, our investments and savings can become uncertain, people we love become sick, and businesses shut down all the time. It seems that when one thing happens to us, another three seem to follow through consecutively.
“Life keeps throwing me stones. And I keep finding the diamonds.”– Ana Claudia Antunes
Those tough times hard. Even though I know very well that these are the moments in which I grow and develop, I find that adversity takes the wind out of my sails every time I believe I’m robust and particular. Does the growth of our mental toughness muscle ever become strong enough to withstand just about anything? Well, who knows, really, but science initially says that the lingering feeling of hopelessness until you pull yourself together makes you stronger. A study published in the Journal of Personal and social psychology discovered that those who reported two to six stressful events scored higher on measurements of resilience and overall well being than those who have not experienced adversity in years. The findings suggest that mental toughness is similar to lifting weights in the gym. It cannot develop without repetition and endless practice. Great – so, what does that mean for all of us then? The unfortunate truth is that despite how much we all detest having our hearts broken or thrown into the gutter of life, it’s a necessary part of living on planet earth. We can do several things to bypass building our resilience muscle, but I believe that destiny eventually catches up with your scared backside. Our time will come to train in the resilience gym, and that is the only way to make yourself strong enough to withstand and get through these challenging moments that may last for days and even years. The great news is that when something pops up unexpectedly after your initial hardship, you will have some inbuilt tools and strategies to squash it faster than it took for it to appear. In light of what may be going on in your life and mine, I’ve decided to fight even harder & develop what I call the “resistance armour” to have the tools necessary for when the battle becomes complicated. It’s just me against the world.
“One who conquers the sea today is ready to conquer the ocean tomorrow.”– Matshona Dhliwayo
Because most of the time, we are battling these things on our own, and it takes a certain amount of mindset power and rock-solid faith to keep us going through it enough to see the light which will eventually appear. And believe me, it does appear, but no in the way we expect it. At the moment, I’m facing a few things, one major one being my mum dying of cancer. It’s been tough, to say the least, and I’ve met many hardships – yet this is just the beginning. I want to share four things that have helped me and continue to do so. I know I need to be prepared for the final countdown when the time comes.
“There’s nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell kicked out of you.”– Woody Hayes
One: As sad as you may feel, look at those who are around you.
I am guilty as hell of dismissing the love and kindness other people show me. I have made a considerable effort to open my eyes and heart to other people. You have to trust your instinct with this one. There will be some warmer and more comforting people to discuss your feelings to than others. Take up the opportunity to allow those who are kind to show your love and make you feel good. They are around, lots of them, in fact, and they just want to open their arms and give you a warm hug. I know it’s hard, and you don’t want to get hurt – but you must trust your heart and know that these people do care. Let them shower you with some love once in a while – it will do you a world of good (and you can repay them when destiny hits them hard too).
Implementation:
Look around you and pay attention to those who show you love – appreciate them and open your heart to them daily.
“We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.”– Kenji Miyazawa
Two: Train your mindset at every opportunity.
If I didn’t train my mindset several times a day, I believe that the light would never show its brightness for me. It took me many years to understand that I had to train my mind, day in, day out, to serve me – rather than become the slave to others words, deeds and actions. That’s usually what happens when your mind like an infant. It absorbs everything around you, and at times, it feels like you are going mad. My journey started with Oprah, then moved onto Echart Toll, Tony Robbins and many more. These people helped me get out of my mind, see things logically, and flush my subconscious with the necessary mental tools to help me deal with life. Although I can’t get a one on one session with all of these beautiful people, listening to their audiobooks, hearing them speak with passion and conviction – then putting things into action does work. It’s one thing to read and listen to them talk, but you need to consider what they are saying. Let them become your mind trainer now and in the future.
Implementation:
Take one book or audiobook, go through it thoroughly, make notes and listen to it again and again. By listening to it several times, you will hear things that you missed the first time around.
“Start by doing what’s necessary; then do what’s possible, and suddenly you’re doing the impossible.”– Francis of Assisi
Three: Don’t focus on the wrong happening – take charge of what you want and think about that all the time.
Concentrating on the hurt all the time brings in more negativity and becomes a catalyst for more shit to happen. Rather than wrestle with destiny, create your path. How do you do that? All you need is a mix of imagination and visualisation. What is it that you want? What does it look like, and how will you feel in that setting? Embrace this image as many times as you like, all day if you can! Think about it in the morning when you wake up, and finish your day off by visualising it at night before bed. Make this your primary focus, and watch it unfold in little ways. There is no advantage in thinking about what’s gone wrong. It happened, you are still hurting – but that’s not to say you won’t experience happiness in the future. The only guarantee to get happy again is to be so right now, and that’s by thinking of the things we want and being grateful for those small sweet spots we have right now. I know you have plenty of them.
Implementation:
- Spend the mornings and evenings thinking about what you want.
- Slowly focus on it several times a day.
- Make it so vivid and bright that the wrong doesn’t show itself much, if not at all.
A lot of mindpower will get you through your building phase. Make it part of your daily exercise routine.
“Because some people see a wall, and assume that’s the end of their journey. Others see it, and decide it’s just the beginning.”– Angeline Trevena
Four: I know it doesn’t feel good now, but this too shall pass.
Research by Harvard psychologist Daniel Gilbert found that people are generally pretty lousy at forecasting their feelings when they’re in the middle of tricky situations. Amid a crisis, we tend to think we will always feel the way we currently do. It isn’t true. “It’s not that things don’t hurt,” Gilbert says. “it’s that they don’t hurt quite as long or as much as we think they’re going to.” So no matter what you are currently feeling right now, know that it won’t last forever.
Implementation:
During this challenging time, do things that make you happy. It can be getting your hair done, spending time with animals, or maybe exercising. Fill your time with something that lights up your heart and make you smile. I have been on the path towards changing my mindset for many years. But, the day always comes when you get swept away by emotions so powerful; they leave you begging for mercy. Let me say that no one or anything will come to your rescue. You have to be your lifeboat, the one with enough trust and loyalty to yourself, to bypass any hard times with swiftness and poise. It’s never going to be easy, and it can get messy – but you have the necessary mechanisms to get through it inside you -the only way to find them was through this very moment you’re experiencing right now.