By Swapping youth for wisdom without judgement
As I get older, I face many truths that the crutches of youth denied me during my 20s and 30s. The falls and heartbreaks led me to uncover the real meaning of life. Step by step, our own experiences make us who we are today. I realised a long time ago that my past experiences resulted from my many choices — even though they were not the correct ones for me. We learn with age that regret is fruitless — and the only way we can now look forward to the next subsequent phases of our life is to stop looking through the review mirror in judgement and anger. Compiling those learnings and moving towards a brighter and more wise future is all we have left to do. My positive attitude can’t help but believe a glimmer of faith inside me that no time — no matter how old it is it’s ever too late to start pursuing the things we love. I think this was magnified when my mother died of cancer. So much of my conditioning growing up was based on many old-fashioned beliefs. But with all parents — they only know what they knew at the time, and nothing else — and the same applies to us. What we know now is a result of our experiences culminating into what we call life — and we can change it at any stage. We set the trajectory into the unknown by making a split decision. Here are ten things I realise now I’m heading towards my mid 40’s because I believe life can and will get better
One: We all get older — but we don’t have to let our beliefs stay that way
So many old-fashioned and outdated ideas seem to come out of my colleague’s and friends’ mouths. I often wonder how much of these ancient beliefs are holding them back from being happy, kind and generally excited about life. With each coming year, new changes around life, love and work manifest. We can either accept these or let them be our downfall. So I’m very excited about new ways of working and living life -with balance. It’s not always the right way to stick with tradition — but acceptance of change helps to bring peace and harmony to your own life.
Two: Sleep is essential — even though it’s the easiest thing to take away
I, like many people, shave sleep like a regular daily routine. Those hours are better spent on study, TV, exercise or work. That was how my outlook for many years. But, ever since I hit my 40, I realised just how tired I am. Life, work, family and everything else always wore me out completely. Sleep is a healing and much-needed necessity to function optimally every single day. Shaving sleep time off takes away the necessary healing our body needs to rest and recuperate from the day’s experiences. Are we not that important? By allowing more sleep, I realised just how badly I performed on all levels, then reduced it to a bare minimum. So now, I reduce work, idle scrolling and anything else first — whilst leaving sleep just as it is!
Three: Showing your vulnerable side at work makes you a human being
There are expectations regarding employment, and the uncommitted female who puts family above work is seen as the non-committal type that‘s bypassed for promotion. Now, I see fathers feeding their babies on Zoom calls. Fathers now allow their personal lives to show through. Helping with the child-rearing even though they are doing so during the 9–5 hour. Wow, we’ve come a long way in sharing our personal, vulnerable side at work. We are, after all, human, and we should show our vulnerable side. Our work is one facet of our lives; then we have the other side: family, which is our heart centre. So showing your hidden side at work is no longer a career hindrance but a helper.
Four: Children do grow up too fast, too soon
I look at my daughter now — who’s about to turn 16 and wonder where all the years went. One moment your children are babies, then a teenager and full-blown adults have their own families. My mother used to say to me, ‘Enjoy her now while she’s young.’ But unfortunately, those words didn’t gain clarity until now. So enjoy every living, breathing person in your life now — as they are, because we all get older, and we don’t know when the clock of life will stop ticking.
Five: Age is no barrier
Are we ever too old for anything? I don’t believe so, but you may come across many people that signify their age as a barrier to getting what they want. If you have your health, fitness and mind in check, then the only question is — what do you want to do with yourself? What else is there to learn? What other path would you like to take? We don’t have to stick with the same people, neighbourhood, or career. We can change it. You will get older anyway, so you may as well get old doing the thing/s you want to do.
Six: We are the ones holding ourselves back
You can choose to do whatever you want and set up limitations. It’s not your family or friends putting up barriers. Usually, we magnify the small things because we fear change. But the person that needs to change is us. The world is changing rapidly, and we need to find ways of adapting. I don’t know what that is for you, but for me right now, expanding my education and saying ‘yes’ to university was my path this year. So believe in me enough to know I will do it, and I can do this.
Seven: We find ways to cope with any adversity
I never really thought I’d cope without my mum or be able to look after her as she was dying, without a part of myself passing away too. But, I managed to find the strength, endurance and grit to do so. It was very hard, and I cried a lot. I lost sleep and my appetite — but I found the ways and means to do it. I still don’t know how, but I believe part of it was being led by love. You can do everything and anything when you are guided with love. Coping mechanisms do not show up without reason — they manifest when the situation reveals itself to you. So, have faith that eventually, you will find the way.
Eight: All it takes is a lifestyle change to alter your life
I do say this all the time — because I believe it and live it. All it takes is to change your eating habits, exercise more or work on your mindset. That one thing can change the trajectory of your life. It’s not the vast decisions that make the most significant impact — it’s the small ones that accumulate over time to give us good health or diminish it.
Nine: Personal growth is the most challenging work in progress
We are constantly telling ourselves either good or bad things. The problem is that the bad stuff tends to magnify anything positive. I’m so guilty, and women are masters of this flaw. My University lecturer said that people without tertiary backgrounds tend to find certain aspects of University life challenging. I could have taken this wrong — to signify my lack of education resulted from my frustration.But this time, I did not. I don’t see my lack of anything as a problem — because I’m currently working to bridge that gap. However, that one comment can harm those who do not constantly work on their mindset. It’s the most complex challenge you will ever face in your life. The good news is it gets easier with age — but only if you work on it daily. Your lack of persistence & belief in your ability will allow the weeds of self-doubt to grow and undo all that hard work.
Ten: You must become your rock
When mum died, I often said that I lost my most significant rock. Mum was the only human being who was there during those callous times. She was the guiding light of my life, and when she passed away, I wondered how that space would fill again. The only person who can do that is me. You have to be your rock — your sturdy and solid structure that no ounce of wind, rain or hurricane can destroy. Standing on your own two feet to become the only powerful force of nature is all that’s left when a family is gone. At first, realising this made it so hard. I miss that sweet smile, the ear mum so lovingly allowed me to intrude upon — but now I have to do that on my own and stay loyal to my mission. Empower your children to start doing the same because you will also depart this dimension one day, and they will have to go at it alone.
Key take away I, like everyone else, wish to change many things that went wrong or caused me significant loss and sorrow. But as Napoleon Hill wisely says, ‘It’s through our struggles where our strength grows & every setback is the seed of an equivalent benefit.’ “ I look hard for the growth potential from being knocked down a million times because I will get up and keep fighting. I do so with both fists, feet, and minds. Adapting that mindset makes us a completely unstoppable holistic being. How can you apply this to your own life?
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